Running With or From the Pack?

The other night we watched the Olympic Womens' Marathon. Romania's Constantina Tomescu won the 26.2 mile race. She took a gamble and it paid off.

For the first 1 1/2 hours the pack of runners (about 25-30) stayed together and ran a slower pace than normal. Shortly after this Tomescu bolted ahead of the pack and held her lead for the final 45 minutes. Sometimes she was as far as 1 minute ahead of the pack. This was a gutsy move but one she has done often in previous marathons. However, no one from the pack chased after her until it was too late. The silver and bronze medalists narrowed the gap to 20 seconds but Tomescu was already on the track kicking it in for a finish.

I guess I appreciated Tomescu's race. Maybe it is because I tended to do that in races. You feel good, you bolt ahead, and hope the training pays off. Sometimes you crash and burn, sometimes you win. Tomescu's effort was risky because the pack could watch her. If she looks back, they see her as being tired and fading. She has no one to push her so she is tempted to slow down. It is mentally challenging to keep focused ahead and wonder where those behind you are. Fortunately the people on the side of the course tell you how far ahead you are. That helps, but you still wonder. Tomescu, however, kept a small pill of smelling salts to keep her focused on her pace.

Why do you leave the pack?

The pack is in a rut. The pack is going slower than record pace. The pack is being controlled by one or two people. The pack is waiting the inevitable--when two or three people with incredible speed kick the last 1/2 mile and leave everyone else in the dust. If you don't have leg speed, it is a matter of time until they leave you behind.

Running with the pack is safe. However, running with the pack forces the ones who feel strong, on that day, to slow down. They do not run their best race. They run someone else's race, usually the one or two in control of the pack.

I used this analogy in the sermon today. I believe that God is looking for people with the guts to bolt ahead and leave the pack. I believe that God has called people sometimes to break away from the pack. I believe that there are many in the church who have heard God's call to go for it and bolt into a life of evangelism, outreach, and incarnation. However, some listen to the voices that say "stay with the pack..."

I understand that we need to be united. I understand that we need to stick together. But I also understand that sometimes packs are controlled by people who are worried about how they finish, not how they run the whole race. Packs can help people get to the end, but they slow many others down.

We live in a country where Christianity is both declining and disrespected by many of those who are not disciples of Jesus. Partly (from what I hear from them) it is because we run in packs (called cliques) and holler at others to slow down. The packs reinforce traditions and ways of "running the race" that no longer work. But, the pack seems safe. However, when you run in a pack those who are faster have to slow down. You never run to your potential. You may finish, but you always know you could have done more. Packs can help some people run a good race, but packs can also cause people to run someone else's race--not God's.

Is there a spiritual application here?

You tell me.

Who are you voting for and why?

I'm trying to decide who to vote for. Each election year I decide between the candidates. Now, I know that sounds a bit mundane and you may wonder why I'm even saying that. Don't we all choose a candidate. Not really. Most voters are Republicans or Democrats. Most voters vote their party. Still, many people vote for "the man (or woman), not the party!"

So I'm an independent who leans toward Democratic views on some things (such as just war and not offensive military policy, more help for poor, education to help address society problems such as crime before they happen, cooperative not strident foreign policy) and Republican views on others (personal responsibility, less government, pro-life).

I'm about 70% Obama and 30% McCain. McCain has the burden of proof for my vote. I respect very much his military service, suffering as prisoner of war, and his years of service. I don't respect maverick personna that doesn't take advise well, it seems, and that doesn't bode well for a president at crucial moments.

So, I don't know yet who I'm voting for. I've watched speeches by Senator Obama, Governor Palin, and plan to listen to the speech tonight by Senator McCain.

I believe firmly that one ought to weigh the issues and the candidate's ideas and potential for leading our nation and our role in the world, rather than simply voting a party line.

I can understand that others have thought through the issues and picked a party, and they are sticking with it, regardless of the candidate. That's a form of weighing the issues as well, but I think we ought to keep sharp and up on the direction of parties and candidates and not allow political parties to co-opt Christians and use their votes to press a particular political agenda.

Who are you voting for in the November presidential election?

Why?

Church Leadership

Thinking about tracks for the October 2008 ZOE Leadership Conference in Nashville . . . we're considering how we might do more on healthy leadership structures. Please help us brainstorm.

• What structures from non-profit world work that apply to church leadership?
• Are business models appropriate or inappropriate for church leadership? Why or why not?
• Ian Fair's book is being republished by Leafwood . . . Dub Orr . . . they have taken some healthy steps in church leadership models . . . possibilities of session.
• Doug Peters has done a D.Min. on a discerning process for elder selection . . . would like to see him do something on this at a conference.
• Barry Packer is consulting with non-profits on the Carver Model of leadership.
• Wade Hodges is helping direct a process of elder training . . . Ron Clark is publishing this fall a book called Emerging Elders that focuses on elder training.
• Lynn Anderson and Charles Siburt have done much on moving elders to shepherds and understanding and applying the qualities of leadership to church shepherds/overseers/elders.
• Would like to bring in ideas about redemptive business or business as mission. Clint Davis and Mark Moore are doing much on this along with the Kibo Group.
  

What do you know about church leadership structures and how we might address this?

You Never Let Go

No words can adequately express how you ministered to me through your prayers, visits, emails, texts, and calls over the past week. Over and over again, the song "You Never Let Go" kept ringing in my head and each communication I received from you reminded me that God was using you to remind me that He never lets go.

Most of you are familiar with my story. My sister has been fighting all her life. We both witnessed as children a life that no child should have to experience. We were five years apart in age but had a special bond of survival. I ran away when I was 16 and she ran away at age 11. We both went our separate ways. After high school I left Spokane only to return once briefly and then left for good. My sister Kristi began a relationship with a young boy and moved in with his family at age 11. Kristi gave birth to her first child at age 14. Ashley is now 19 with a beautiful 3 month old son named Kennon. Two years later at 17 she gave birth to her son Chad who is now 17. And then at age 19 she gave birth to another daughter, Ashley who is now 14.

Kristi was good mother. She showed her love deeply. She was always taking in other children who needed love. But she was wounded so terribly. But her children were first priority. Her wounds were stored inside. Yes, she made some very bad choices in life and she lived the life that she only knew how.

As we look back Kristi started regressing after drugs took our mother's life 13 years ago. If I was to compare Kristi's death to our mothers, it would nearly be identical with the exception being our mother survived in the hospital about 10 days longer. Our mother and Kristi had developed a co dependent relationship and were very close following the birth of Kristi's second child, Chad. While our mother's death was devastating to all involved it was especially so for Kristi.

Kristi started pushing her children to their father and began distancing herself over the past year to year and a half. She was hurting inside. I believe because she loved her children so much she was trying to protect them. Kristi started using Meth and moving from one bad abusive relationship to another. Since December 2007 she had attempted three suicides. We (the family) were only aware of 1 other time.

Her fourth attempt she was discovered in a flower bed on a busy intersection in Spokane a week ago from yesterday. When she arrived at the hospital she was awake and sitting up. She told the nurses that she did NOT want family contacted and the nurses explained her attitude as very angry that she was at the hospital and that they were helping her. On Friday test results came back and she was progressively slipping in and out of a consciousness. State law requires the hospital to list her as a confidential patient so at this point there was no family contacted or family member names discussed. She had taken a bottle of tylenol and some Meth. Her liver had stopped functioning and the toxins were killing her.

Her nurse decided that it was time to contact family as death was imminent. On Saturday after much research she discover her daughter Ashley and contacted her. The doctor that was assigned to her case said if we wanted to see her alive we need to get there now.

Natalie and I were at the funeral of my cousins wife in Kentucky who also suffered from mental illness and took her life. We were not able to arrive to Spokane till Sunday morning. Walking into the hospital room, memories of our mother overwhelmed me. And then the children. And then I realized that I was hurting so bad because it felt like I was losing one of my children. Often times it was just Kristi and myself when we were small.

Monday morning a senior doctor came in and after reading the CT brain scan that showed no brain swelling or bleeding announced that he disagreed with the previous doctors diagnosis and said we should expect full recovery. Kristi's liver was starting to work again and had improved from Sunday to Monday. He just simply said we should expect full recovery as the Liver continues to work again. He then wanted us to place her on life support to help her breathing so she didn't tire out and get pnuemonia. Well.... there was now hope and we agreed.

Tuesday test results showed again improvement of her liver functions so the doctor ordered a feeding tube. At this point I was beginning to question our decision to put her on life support and then all of a sudden he was putting a feeding tube. I struggled with this the entire day and evening. But the others were not including Natalie, so I was trying to find comfort in that. Now that we nearly had every machine in the room keeping Kristi alive I told Natalie she might as well go home. So we made arrangements for her to go home early Wednesday morning.

In the wee early hours Wednesday morning Kristi had a seizure that lasted 10 minutes. Followed by another seizure four hours later that lasted 22 minutes. I had shared my uncertainty with the night nurse and she encouraged me to approach and challenge the doctor. She also told me he was the best at the hospital and she would trust her life with him.

Natalie left for the airport about 730am and the doctor arrived around 830am just in time for a third seizure that lasted over 30 minutes. I challenged the doctor! But he convinced me we were doing the right thing and he again repeated "I expect FULL recovery." Then he offered for my comfort to order and additional CT scan of her brain.

Kristi went down for the scan around 1030am. It was almost an hour before she returned. She had another seizure during the scan. When she returned the Nurse, whom I love, in passing looked at me straight in the and shook her head. About 30 minutes later I was informed that the doctor wanted to talk to me and that he would be calling at 1pm.

At 115pm the doctor called and explained that Kristi's head was extremely swollen and was so swollen there was no room for the swelling to continue. The same doctor that said she will fully recover was now saying there was no chance due to her neurological status. We decided to remove life support. Around 3pm the life support was removed. We were fully expecting her to survive at least a couple of days, because our mother lived nearly a week after we removed life support. This was not the case. Kristi passed on about 5 minutes after removing the support.

I don't have to tell you how tragic and how desperate the kids are feeling. I was not in too good shape that afternoon and Thursday morning, but I am better today.

My sister did not have a chance at life. Again, yes she made some bad choices. But she was sick. Mental illness is very serious and it can take control. It took control of my sister. She did not have the support system that my Granny had put in place when I was a small child. After I ran away from home, I left everything including her behind, which I am sure added to her woundedness. But she was sick. I want you to hear that. She was not in control when she took her life. She was in a very dark and lonely place.

I thank God for each of you. God has used you as His rock in so many ways. Thank you!! May God's Light shine upon you this day!

With All My Love,

Eric (E-No)
Eric Noah-Wilson

KRISTINA LYNN BLANK
July 12, 1974 - May 21, 2008

Memorial Service:
May 27, 2008 @ 11:00 am
Northside Church of Christ
N. 5601 Jefferson
Spokane, WA 99207

Terry Smith, Officiating

In honor of Kristi Blank, The ZOE Group would like you to have this free download of the song that kept sustaining and giving courage to Eric about God's everlasting love that never lets go. You Never Let Go

Kristi Blank dies May 21

Life support was removed from Kristi Blank tonight and she died five minutes later. Eric is hurting. We mourn the loss of Eric's sister, who had three children and one grandchild.

Thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray for Eric, Natalie and the rest of the family.

Update 2: Eric Noah-Wilson's Sister, Kristi Blank

From Eric in Spokane, Washington:

First I want to thank you. I don't have words to express how these messages you've sent, the prayers you've lifted have kept me going.

It has been so encourage to stop, sit and pick up my phone and read the prayers and thoughts of so many. It has been a very emotional roller coaster. Below is the latest.

Kristi has two doctors seeing her and they have very different diagnoses. The first doctor who has been treating Kristi since Thursday is adamant that there will be no recovery with the damage that she has inflicted on her body. A second doctor has come in, however, and believes results of tests compared from the past two days have shown positive increases in filtering the toxins. So he wants to put her on life support and give it 48 hours to see if in fact her liver functions continue to improve. Late last night her breathing was so shallow the decision was made to put her on life support as the new doctor recommended.

This morning (May 20) the doctor came in and explained that the tests taken this morning again showed improvement in her liver activity and he ordered a feeding tube. Okay, so now you can see the different emotions I am feeling. If in fact she is improving I am very excited (and scared). Scared that if she does come out how angry she is going to be. Her few words on Thursday to the nurses were "I don't want to live, let me die!" Are we prolonging the inevitable?

So of course with the feeding tube and life support this could go on for quite some time. I am sending Natalie home tomorrow. Kristi's color is better, and she seems to be resting. She is on life support, with heavy doses of fluids, vitamins, antibiotics fighting off everything that the liver should be doing.

To the ZOE Family . . . these emails, calls and prayers are what has kept me going! God is GOOD and He is the HEALER.

Thank you!

Note: You may leave comments and prayers here on this blog . . . and we'll let Eric know where to find them. We've forwarded nearly 300 of your messages and prayers to Eric in the last three days.

Update on Eric Noah-Wilson's sister, Kristi

Eric texted me yesterday with these words . . .

This is so hard. In addition to having to re-live the death of my (biological) mother 12 years ago, I am witnessing my sister, who I cared for when we were kids, dying right in front of me.

Kristi has not been awake since we arrived Sunday. She is breathing on her own, but breaths are more and more shallow and heart rate has gone from 124 to 134.

It feels like I am losing a child. I hurt.

What It Costs to be a Disciple

"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first." ~ Mark 10:29-31

It's a sobering footnote to the account of the rich young ruler - a less-than-comforting word of comfort at the climax of a crescendo of sobering declarations: that it's hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of God ... that with man, it is impossible to be saved; but with God it is possible. It's the answer to Peter's desperate cry for affirmation: "We've left everything to follow you!"

It was true for them. Is it true for us?

Do we believe that it's still hard for the rich to enter God's kingdom? I don't know about you, but I sure don't live like I believe it. I have so much stuff that I've caught myself thinking about renting stuff so I can buy more stuff to stuff with all of my extra stuff.

Do we believe that with man - trying to direct his own steps; trying to weave his own robes of self-righteous white and ending up with only filthy rags - with man, it actually is impossible to please God? but that with God, all things are possible? I still find myself thinking from time to time that I can beat all the bad stuff, do all the good stuff, understand all the incomprehensible stuff, live all the tough stuff, believe all the incredible stuff, and be right about all the right stuff if I just try a little bit harder.

What a bunch of ... stuff.

Without God, it's impossible.

But does it always cost home, family and possessions to follow?

As nearly as I can tell, yes. In one way or the other: either you give everything over to God that you have - willingly, cheerfully, gladly - and be delighted to use whatever He lets you use for His glory; or He will eventually take it away from you. He'll do whatever it takes to help you fulfill your commitment to follow His Son and journey ever closer to Him.

At the Pepperdine Lectureship last week, Angi and I taught the chapter on kenosis - emptying one's self in order to be filled with the equipping Holy Spirit - from Darryl Tippens' book Pilgrim Heart as an example for leading small groups. One of the folks in our class was a dear lady who had been emptied by God, and she believed it was because He loved her so much and that she had never emptied herself of the kind of life she wanted to lead. It had cost her health, her job, and almost the life of a beloved daughter to a suicide attempt.

As many times as I have read Job before that moment, I had never really thought about God letting Satan empty that beloved old patriarch so that He could fill his child with blessing.

Expect persecutions, Jesus prophesies. And when they come, James adds:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~ James 1:2-4

Ouch. Giving up everything so that you will lack nothing. That's pretty much what Jesus expected of that rich young ruler, wasn't it?

No wonder there are so many of us Christians.

And so few of His disciples.

There Is A God

What a great discussion Wednesday night at Cascade College. We had 2 atheists, an agnostic philosophy professor, and myself discuss Antony Flew's book There is a God. The Rehearsal hall was packed (had to bring in extra chairs). This session the Cascade students were surprisingly absent (except the ones required to come for my class). Kevin Reed from Cascade moderated. We had students from Portland State, Mt. Hood Community College, a youth group, and many other visitors. This year the agnostic students took issue with the atheist's comment that we would be better off without religion. During the Q and A they had some pretty strong words to say. It was neat and the discussion drew everyone in and helped to prove that we can have conversations out of respect.

The book by Flew is an easy read. The panel was required to read the book, ask a question from the book (we also had a question submitted by the author of the book), and answer the questions from the panel and audience. I think we had a good healthy discussion. Chris Jackson, as usual, can be counted on getting the group to laugh often and still be an aggressive arguer. Jerry is his old smile but be grouchy self and continues to provoke people to get their hackles up and ask him questions. One of the men who attended emailed me Thursday and said that he and his 3 high school daughters had a great discussion about the debate all the way home. This is what we wanted. We also have open doors to talk further with the United State's Atheists, PSU's group, and at Mt. Hood. God is always good and obviously loves conversation.

What did I learn from this? I had finished Dawkin's book The God Delusion and was very much in tune to the language used by the atheists concerning Christians and people of faith.

1. Dawkins suggests that higher intellect people do not make up many of the members of the faith communities. He also suggests that faith is belief without evidence. However, Antony Flew's shift from atheist to believing in a supreme being proves that believing in God can be rational and intellectual. Flew was converted on many of the basic teliological arguments and suggests to us that they are valid reasons to believe in God.

2. We need intellectuals in the faith. I see many ministry majors that have the mind but not the passion for ministry. I see others that have the passion and have neglected the mind. We need both. Some of the Bible majors worry me--since our churches will hire them thinking that this is the best there is. They lack the discipline and courage to expand their mind. They act as if learning Greek, theology, and church history is the hardest part of ministry--yet little do they know that the hardest part is yet to come. We do need bright young minds to enter ministry and not only fight Satan in the areas of social justice--but fight him in the intellectual arena. We need young bright minds (male and female) who will smile at the challenges of modern culture and ask the questions people are afraid to ask. We need to remember that the statement, "Paul, your great learning has made you crazy," was not an inspired statement--it was made by a pagan.

3. Flew spent many years debating Christian theologians and developed a respect for them. Relationship may have played a part in his shift. Likewise, relationship plays an important part in our outreach and encouragement to others. We need intellectuals in the church but they must also be relational. People will be open if they are our friends.

4. We need to respect all people and listen. Nancy, one of the atheists, made the comment to the group that I had helped her to see that morals can be faith based. This has happend through years of discussions, friendship, and arguments based in respect.

5. People need to quit basing their views of religion on the Fundamentalist TV preachers that they see. There are many more people who have rational and logical answers to Bible questions. We want to find opportunities to talk with people and answer their questions and help them see that God is a loving caring God.

I'm looking forward to our next discussion.

Restoring the New Testament Church

You know, maybe that's not such a bad idea.

But there's really only one way to do it. And it has nothing to do with trying to re-create the way church was "done" in century one; analyzing structures and customs and laws and hermeneutics and praxes of a day long since past, then trying to imitate them and adapting them and staying within them and never straying outside them and shaking our fingers or fists at those who don't "do" church as well as we think we think they should be "doing" it.

Restoring the New Testament Church is the natural result of restoring souls to the God they have either never known or have wandered away from - through His Son, gifted by His Spirit, penitent and confessional and washed clean of sin and dedicated to drawing ever closer to their Lord.

If we really gave our hearts away to God and to the desperate needs of others, it would happen. And it would happen in the same ways that it did more than nineteen hundred years ago.

Those unreached by God's love would be turned to worshipers by the generosity we would show. They would open their own hearts to the Story of the Christ by our answer to their question "Why do you do this for us?": "Because Jesus loves all."

We've made a terrible mistake in thinking that restoring the church is the means by which we can bring people to Christ.

Bringing people closer to Christ is how His church is restored.

And while it's true that sometimes we learn by doing, most of the time we love by doing.

Not by talking about it. Not by analyzing it. Not by meeting in our distinctive church buildings and worshiping our distinctive way and maintaining our distinctive air of piety.

All we have to do, really, is focus our lives on Christ; being like Him and loving like Him and serving like Him. Because, in a bizarre Moebius loop of cause-and-effect, when we serve others we serve Him. When we care for others, we care for His needs. When we feed and heal and clothe others, we feed and heal and clothe His body; His church.

There was an early time - before greed and racial tension and hierarchical jealousy and other selfishness set in - when the church was a group of people restored to God:

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

They did it because they loved unreservedly, just as Jesus prophesied and promised them:

Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

They did it because that's exactly what He did:

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

If you love, you give.

If you love, you give up self.

That's His idea of restoring the church.

How does it compare to ours?

_{(originally posted at Blog in My Own Eye)}

Sexual Violence: The Unmentionable Sin

Chat here about the article by Dr. Marie Fortune.

Domestic Abuse and the Family of God

Chat here about this issue and the introductory article by Ron Clark (known to you here as KMiV!).

Holy Hush or Shattered Silence?

Chat here about this article by Nancy Nason Clark.

The Dilemma of Anger, Aggression, and Intimate Partner Violence

Chat here about this article by Ron Clark (known to you here as KMiV!).

Real Men Don't Kiss?

I kiss all my boys. My boys don't hesitate to kiss me--well, Nathan not so much now. I guess that is OK. But I've never been ashamed to show affection to them.

I grew up with a dad who didn't show affection. He never kissed us, that I can remember (although he did kiss my mom a lot--at least before they were divorced). I can't remember him ever hugging us. My brother is divorced and is not affectionate.

I chose not to be. I don't blame my dad. It wasn't because he was an athiest--he got beat as a kid and did well for how his parents mistreated him. My brother has done the best he could for how he was raised. My dad told him he had hated him since he was 5 (he said this when Geoff was 14). My only fist fight with my dad was when he hit my brother with a rake. I told him I was going to kick his *** and I just about did.

So I started this fatherhood thing with some baggage--and I still struggle with it. However, I always said I wouldn't be afraid to show affection. Jesus brought forgiveness and healing to my life and my father wound. God has been my role model as a father (and sometimes mother). Seems to be working so far. I think our kids can easily forgive us if they know they can hug us safely.

Led By God Under a Bridge Part 2

So we went to lunch together at Louie's Chinese Restaurant in Chinatown. We had a good meal and it was hot.

He had been in and out of rehab and was now 9 days clean from heroin and crack. He was wanting to get off the streets and we talked about options. I feel that it is better to give options and empower people to choose, rather than choose for them and tell them what to do. It was obvious that something was bothering him. As he talked about his past and how he self medicated, I kept probing as to why he chose the path he had. He kept stating that he had pain and it was hard to accept himself. I understood.

"So, you really believe that God led you to me," he said.
"Sure," I said, "I have learned that God works that way."
"What if I would not have been there?" he asked.

I shared with him that I would be sitting with someone else, somewhere else, eating lunch. However, I suggested to him that there are so many people (I used the term so many you can shake a stick at) like him that God sends us to who we meet. Unfortunately there are not many who will go so there are plenty who need but few who will go. Therefore, I would have met someone.

He was silent. "But," I mentioned, "I listened to God and that is why I met you. God has always tried to reach you--sometimes you closed your eyes, other times people God sent bailed before they got to you."

"So people make choices," he said.
"Yes," I replied, "sometimes people make good choices, other times they make bad choices. God offers the choice, people either choose to do or choose to ignore. Yet most of the times God chooses not to intervene."

He understood. "But there have been times when I thought God was leading, but it ended in disaster. I have lived the last few years believing that God punished me and did that to me. I have been angry with him."

I understood. I mentioned that people make choices. If I had walked to him, as God had led me, and some guys met me, robbed me, and beat me up (before I got to him) would God have still been to blame? It was clear that God had led me to the bridge, but did God put the guys in my way to hurt me?

He shook his head.

Led By God Under a Bridge

Thursday morning I was making my usual trek downtown to see who God would put in my path. Pioneer Square was covered due to the Ale Festival. As usuall most of the people I usually see are gone from the square. I have found that searching the bridges, riverfront, and Saturday Market area gives more people to meet. This day I got off the MAX and headed to the river. Something kept urging me left to the steel bridge.

"Not interested," I kept saying. "It's rainy, 11am, and everyone's left." I don't know--I used to be pretty logical about everything but since last year I have started listening to those urges, prompting, feelings--whatever you want to call it--however I think God's Spirit is the author of what is happening. I've stopped questioning this--because God always is glorified when I tend to listen.

I walked a ways, confirming my suspicions that it was too wet, too cold, and too late. Bridge folks usually head to town before the police come and fine them for trespassing.

There he was. A young kid (although I found out later he was 28) sitting, huddled under the steel bridge. He was cold, shaking, and had his head down. I walked straight to him and he watched me with his eyes. "Hey, how are you," I said. He justed shook his head. "How would you like a hot meal, say--lunch is on me?" I asked.

"You're kidding," he said. He looked as if I was up to something. Maybe he thought I was one of those guys who hangs out downtown wanting to sexually abuse or prostitute young boys. I could understand his skepticism.

"Nope, just a hot meal and you can be on your way."

"Sure," he said.

More tomorrow. But for now--God was right...I was wrong.

525,600 Minutes

Well, it's definitely the Christmas season. You can hear the hum of the engine of busy-ness cranking into full roar. And...ironically, we're in a series at Otter Creek about time and how our time belongs to God. It's hard not to feel the irony.

The series is called "12 Million Minutes". We have a creative planning team for worship now--approximately 15 people serve on it. The team is made up of artists, music people, children's ministers, those with a contemplative bent, some drama folks, videographers, writers, idea people, etc. It's such a blessing!

As we've been putting creative elements together for this series on "Time" it's been fun to have a balanced group who surfaces incredible ideas. This Sunday we will have a special dramatic reading of Eccl 3 put together by one of our members. Last week, Scott Owings and my mom wrote a contemplative prayer exercise and led the congregation through it on Sunday.

When I heard the title, "12 Million Minutes", and the description of measuring our time by God's design and purpose, my mind immediately went to the lyrics from "Seasons of Love" (the hit song from the Broadway musical RENT). It goes like this...

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes -
how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love?
Measure in love. Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends
let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember the love!
Measure in love. Seasons of love!
Seasons of love.

So, this Sunday we're doing something I never dreamed of doing on a Sunday morning...a song from RENT. It will be presentational and will set up the sermon. We rehearsed last Sunday and got the arrangement down. It should be fun...and I figure if the apostle Paul can quote the poets of his day...so can we! All to God's glory.

Two Worlds One Mission

I just returned from 5 days in San Diego. I presented a paper at the annual Society of Biblical Literature and American Academy of Religion national conference. The AAR includes many religion scholars and the SBL includes the scholars of the Biblical texts. This will be the last year that both groups will meet together. As always I enjoy this conference. This year I was sruck with some interesting thoughts.

The conference was at the San Diego convention center and my hotel was in the Gaslamp district. Each day I walked about a mile one way to and from the convention center. Each day I passed many homeless people. In the evenings I walked by the crowded restaraunts, bars, and strip clubs along the district. Each day I attended lectures, papers, panel discussions from Bible and Religion scholars. I would suggest that many of them don't really believe God exists. However, many on the streets probably believe that God doesn't care.

I felt like I was in two worlds. One was the world of reality. I went to lunch with one of the homeless guys--he loaded up his plate, picked the most expensive drink, thanked me, and then said he needed to go lay down. Portland homeless folks eat with me and visit with me. San Diego homeless seem to go about their way. However, I found out that these men don't really care about many of the discussions going on in the convention center that week. I realized that the people in the Gaslamp district weren't concerned about the scholarly arguments and discussions we were having.

The other world was a different reality. The reality of the world of the scholar. This world discusses the integrity of the Biblical texts, ancient culture, the existence of God, languages, theology, and philosophy of religion. It is a reality that needs to be discussed. But it is a reality that can overshadow the reality of the Gaslamp district. I would walk to the hotel each day accepting that the Gaslamp district needs to inform the academic world that theology needs to address common issues in life. The Gaslamp district needs the academy and the academy needs the Gaslamp district. The sad reality is that many of our churches have held up the scholars as our heroes, and being one I tend to see why. However, who will be the ones reaching those on the streets, those in the bars, those in the strip clubs, and those who don't care about the convention center discussions.

On the other hand--we need the academy. In Portland we have lost many of our doctors in theology/ministry. John York, Tim Woodruff, Dave Bland, Mark Love, Rex Hamilton, David Fleer, Mark LaValley, and Bob Whiddon. Some left to take college positions, others were dismissed from their churches (churches which now struggle to grow). I decided not to be an exiting doctor--I decided to stay and reach the people in Portland. Lori and I had the opportunity that many did not have and we chose to stay. The doctors left and we suffer. Our churches struggle theologically--we need the scholars. Good theology drives us to the Gaslamp districts, bars, homeless, strip clubs, and our community. Good theology causes us to engage people and help them to see that the convention center discussion that we need to have exists to empower others. Good theology helps us to grow and be evangelistic.

The AAR and SBL will form two separate conferences next year. The hot topic at the conference was how religion scholars and Biblical textual scholars need to work together and be togther. I guess this is a common problem. We forget that theology and ministry work together to empower people to come to Jesus. We forget that feeding the homeless, loving the strippers, and engaging the discouraged are what the text calls us to. I had a great discussion with some of our Christian college professors about the need for the church to reach new people and engage them in the text. We're all thinking the same thing--we just need to work together.

All Welcome to the Table

What a day we had Sunday for our Friends' Day. 101 showed up, including the guy sitting outside who we invited to lunch. Great worship and celebration of Agape's 6 month in existence. We had a wonderful worship, finished the Gospel of John, and had a huge Subway sandwich for everyone. Yet, as Lori and I talked about the day these thoughts came to mind:

We all brought friends from Dignity Village, Pioneer Square, homes in Southeast and Northeast Portland, Vancouver, Michigan, Cascade College, Portland State. People from various places in life, various sports, various struggles and addictions, various worries and concerns. Yet, at communion, we mentioned that all were welcome to the table. Sometimes in churches, this is the one time people are excluded. We all communed together and talked about how we are all in God's image and all have the right to become children of God, when we believe (John 1:12).

Its hard to believe that 1 year ago we were 16 people in a home. God is good!